Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Day 1

Day 1 was rough. Sent about 100 texts and emails. I am still so angry. Angry that he lied again, angry about the situation, and angry that he made the call to never see each other again. I am angry for the last 2 years. I am angry at myself for letting this happen. I am angry that I couldn't just let things be. I am angry that once again, I had to look. I am angry that he doesn't even want to be friends. I am angry because he STILL thinks he did nothing wrong. I am angry because I was excited again for us.

It's really over and I need to start picking up the pieces and move on. Today was hard. I don't expect it to get easier anytime soon, but in the end, what other choice do I have. If I had my way, I'd be with him right now. But how long would it take for something else to come up? This isn't healthy and I need to get myself out of it. Well, he's pushed me out, and I didn't have a choice in that. My choice is what I do now. So far I have sent angry texts and emails to him. So far I have fed my hurt.

I know this is going to hurt like hell. I know there will be days I am weak. I know there will be a lot of crying. But it will hurt 100 times more if I keep clinging on to the hope that we will see each other again. We won't. Holding on will only make things worse. Stop waiting for him to text you. Stop imagining seeing him again. Stop thinking of what you can say to get him back. It's over. Realize it. Embrace it. Accept it. You might not like it, but there is no other choice. You HAVE to move on.

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